If you invite me to a party please make sure to have a cat or dog present so I have someone to hang out with.
The last Thanksgiving dinner I went to, I spent the whole time alone with their cat except for the eating part.
one time in 7th grade i was having unbearable intestinal pain like i could not move at all it hurt so bad so i went to the nurse and she sent me home and the second i got home i farted for legitimately 45 seconds and all of the pain disappeared
i told this girl she smelled nice today and she’s like
“sorry i’m not gay”
bitch i said you smelled nice not i want to lick your pussy
my brother left his drink at taco bell and was like “where’s my baja blast?” and my sister just quietly whispers “in the baja past”
When you go to someones house for the first time and you sit there like